I genuintely do not know what the point is.

You can tell I'm starting to freak out when I start looking at graduate schools.

My life needs a spark.

I've got a good set-up here, and an equally good set-up back home in Columbus (and I suspect if I moved on to another location that I'd find a niche there as well). By good set-up, I mean a job opportunity, living arrangements, friends, and a comfortable metropolis. Yes, I could stay here. That would not be difficult. Yes, I could go back home. That would not be difficult, either. And furthermore, I believe it wouldn't be that difficult to try living somewhere new altogether.

BUT. All those things are a good base for a life. A good base for living does not a life make.

It's like the part in Dead Poets Society where Mr. Keating describes the studies the boys of Welton are going after -- let me paraphrase: "Medicine, Law, Business: all noble pursuits. All necessary to sustain life. But poetry, art, [whatever]-- those are the things we stay alive for."

I'm still looking for the spark. The poetry. The art. The [whatever].

Let's say I went back to Columbus and got some nice job in a lab. I'd have my family and friends, and a nice church, a good city to live in, and all that. I could make myself content if I had to. I could be "happy."

But the pursuit of plain, generic "happiness" is not enough for me. I need a point.

I'd have to ask myself-- why did I go back? Or, why did I stay in Richmond? Because it was easy? Because of the laws of inertia? Because I knew people there and knew I'd have a cushy-but-just-okay job to depend on?

Well, shoot-- on that wavelength, let's say I just take the ol' plunge-a-roo and go to grad school or take a job in a new place. Okay, why did I move to this new place? Because I was just seeking another thrill or adventure? Because I wanted to try and outrun whatever it is that's keeping me from having a sense of fulfillment?

Now, which of those "because"-s am I willing to live with? Do I keep looking for something that may not even exist, or wait until it finds me, or what?