Thursday, November 22, 2007

Why the makeover?

A lot of changes--major changes-- have happened in the past few months. As a result of the ol' changing of the life seasons, my personal life has taken a nosedive. And what is the appropriate response when one's personal life takes a nosedive? One blogs.

Yesterday we had to put down our dog, Abby. We had her for 15 and a half years. It hurts a lot to know she's really gone now, but in a way I feel it's symbolic of a lot of old things wrapping up in my life.

When I was in my early college years, Abby was starting to get older and slower, and I was afraid of her dying at any given time. I made her promise she wouldn't pass away until I had found a nice boy to settle down with. Because, I mean, how could I make it in life without my trusty dog unless I had found someone else who could be comparably trusty?

Last month (when I came home for a friend's wedding, actually) I had to release her from our pact. Not that she had ever verbally agreed to stave off death until I held up my end of the deal, but she sure did hang on to life for a suspiciously long amount of time. I wondered if perhaps I had been unfair in expecting her to live forever-- or at least until *I* was ready to live without her.

Anyway, things in life often don't turn out the way we'd like. That fact becomes a little more real to me every day.

And it leads me to suspect-- maybe I've been living in the past. Or at least holding on to it for an inappropriately long amount of time. I think I have to grow up a little more. Again.

I wish everything were funny again.

But-- while the lack of bright, distinct humor and levity certainly makes an impact on life, it does not ruin it! There IS more to write about. There IS more to discover and discuss. There has to be. And I want to find these things that are worth being found. And maybe-- maybe--write about them.

1 comment:

Emily said...

i always felt so bad about being excited about leaving the past behind me and focusing on the future because you are such a nostalgic little lady and i didn't want to pee on your sentimental parade. so i'm happy that you're choosing to focus on the future instead of the past. (even though the past 2 years of dicking around at target, going on dairy queen runs, studying at panera, and eating mcdonald's french fries in a drunken stupor were obviously 2 of the best years of my life thus far, and i think you'll agree as well.)

i love you. i'm sorry about abby, but i bet she's looking down from puppy heaven now and maybe she'll be lucky enough to meet gilda radner.